<44444444 It's just so frustrating because I know it's okay not to be liked by everyone, I know it's simply impossible to be liked by everyone, sometimes personalities just clash and things don't happen and frankly, I sure as hell don't like even most people so it's all just backwards... and yet, I still let it get to me. I feel like such an idiot because even as I'm sad about it, that rational part of my brain is screaming at me to remember that ultimately, it doesn't matter. I have incredible friends like you and that's what matters, and it makes me so mad that I have trouble focusing on that. I hate that I care about people that I really just don't even care about, it makes no sense at all >8IIII
Regarding panic attacks, yeah. Yeah, I've had to run to the bathroom during work more than a few times to have one, and I had one in my own bathroom this morning before I left for the mall that lasted about ten minutes or so. I honestly never had them like this before, and it's such a weird experience. I would get like, small ones, I guess, when I worked at Buca sometimes? Like, if it got super busy when we first opened or if the manager was putting crazy pressure on me for no reason, I would get short of breath and kind of dizzy, but it wasn't like this. They go away eventually, and I'm able to just get right back into what I was doing but they're just maddening when I'm actively trying to deal with them.
Anyway, you're one person but you mean more to me than I can say. You don't know how much I appreciate your support and knowing that you're there has been so important and helpful to me because this isn't something I feel like I can talk to, say, my parents about or even most of my friends here on the island--of which there are very few. I just feel like it shouldn't be happening or that people will think I'm being way too dramatic, so I don't talk about it. I told you I told my friend about it today and that it kind of helped to say it out loud, but I don't know that there's anyone else I'd be willing to say it to like that. So anyway, the point is, thank you for being such an incredible friend to me and you know the same goes for you when it comes to venting and support <44444
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Regarding panic attacks, yeah. Yeah, I've had to run to the bathroom during work more than a few times to have one, and I had one in my own bathroom this morning before I left for the mall that lasted about ten minutes or so. I honestly never had them like this before, and it's such a weird experience. I would get like, small ones, I guess, when I worked at Buca sometimes? Like, if it got super busy when we first opened or if the manager was putting crazy pressure on me for no reason, I would get short of breath and kind of dizzy, but it wasn't like this. They go away eventually, and I'm able to just get right back into what I was doing but they're just maddening when I'm actively trying to deal with them.
Anyway, you're one person but you mean more to me than I can say. You don't know how much I appreciate your support and knowing that you're there has been so important and helpful to me because this isn't something I feel like I can talk to, say, my parents about or even most of my friends here on the island--of which there are very few. I just feel like it shouldn't be happening or that people will think I'm being way too dramatic, so I don't talk about it. I told you I told my friend about it today and that it kind of helped to say it out loud, but I don't know that there's anyone else I'd be willing to say it to like that. So anyway, the point is, thank you for being such an incredible friend to me and you know the same goes for you when it comes to venting and support <44444